Tuesday will mark the end of my third week on WW. I'm not optimistic about the weigh in, given that I went out to not one but two wine bars last night and ate my weight in deliciousness. And I feel really guilty about that, which is definitely NOT the point.
I started this blog with the viewpoint that I want to be able to eat/drink delicious things AND look fabulous. While WW is definitely helping me be more conscious of what I'm eating and work toward being healthier, it's perhaps not the most mentally healthy thing to see my remaining Points allowance for the week at a negative value and subsequently feel like I've failed. I've been downright obsessive over the past few weeks about logging food and working out, but why? I'm not actually overweight, or even close to it. I just have this deluded belief that if I can consistently fit into size 4 jeans, my life will magically be better. (Insert comment about just wanting to be perfect, and combine it with the fact that I just had a manicure so the skin around my cuticles is peeling and I keep pulling it off a la Natalie Portman in Black Swan...)
Anyway, I can't tell you if it's society or women's magazines or my mother or whatever that's the root of my ridiculous food/body image/whatever issues. But I can tell you that I'm not alone.
-My detoxing friend admitted that she's actually on the detox in hopes that it will help her control her emotional eating and get over the weird food issues she's had all her life, courtesy of her mother.
-The fittest person I know, who won't go a day without her kickboxing workout, is suddenly on a "diet" that was prescribed by a customer at her boyfriend's motorcycle shop. It involves eating nothing but eggs, peanut butter, and turkey, and she claims it's going to teach her body to burn fat better, except for the part where she already looks like she's about 0% body fat.
-Two girls at work, who aren't friends of mine but who I know to both be extremely serious athletes and in very good shape, are having a weight loss competition in which they're trying to lose a pound a week.
What is wrong with us? With the exception of my first friend, none of these people has any actual need whatsoever to lose weight (myself included), and yet we're all fixated on doing so.
I have no answers. I'm just hoping I find something besides therapy that will cure me of this.