Right things for the wrong reasons

So after doing three hours of exercise yesterday, I flirted with the idea of actually taking a day off today.  Work was really frustrating, and I was tired, but I knew the tiredness had more to do with work sucking than any actual physical thing.  I tried desperately to come up with reasons to convince myself to skip yoga (needing to grocery shop, not having a hair tie) but after my office mate dug a hair tie out of her purse for me, I was out of excuses.  I am, of course, glad I went.   I think there's maybe one time I've ever left yoga not being glad I went.

Of course, I also went because my WW meeting is tomorrow and I want to have lost more than I did last week (a measly .4lbs).  I know I don't really need to lose the weight, but now that I have a goal and a program I should be sticking to, I hate to fail.  Which is why I'm now having a salad before going over to my boyfriend's so I don't overdo it on wine, or whatever random food might be lurking there.  Of course, right after the meeting I'm going out for a three course lunch with friends, but as long as I like the number on the scale, that'll seem fine.

Dream Sunday morning

So for the first time ever this morning, I went for a run with my boyfriend.  This was big for both of us; for me because I've never run three miles on not the treadmill while watching Food Network before, and for him because he hadn't run outside in over a year due to a knee injury.  I'd suggested a run yesterday because the weather was gorgeous, but he'd already gone to the gym so we postponed to today.  It was raining, which is not my preferred condition, but was ideal for him.  We did a 3.2 mile loop doing what he thinks was 9:30 miles, and only stopped for one stretch break.  Aside from my ears being really cold, it felt really, really good.  Good to run, and good to finally be one of those girls that can go for a run with their sporty boyfriend.
It was secretly extra huge for me because I remember when we first met, there was another girl who was interested in him, who was super duper sporty and they'd gone running together and could talk about things like half marathons and mile times, and he asked me if I ran and I was like, um, no, shopping is my cardio?  I thought he'd not be interested due to my lack of athleticism, but I eventually found out he'd just asked the question because I looked like I was already in good shape and he'd just assumed I ran. 
After the run he went to ice his knee and I went to shower, and then we went to brunch, which we haven't done in ages, largely I think because most weekend mornings I run off to some exercise class or another.   Brunch out always feels kind of indulgent because I know I could make my own eggs and coffee and whatever, but it's just nicer when someone does it for you.  I had coffee, a egg/bacon/spinach/cheddar omelet with potatoes and toast, and a lemon ricotta pancake on the side because they smelled too good not to get.  It was probably my entire day's worth of WW points, but for once it didn't feel like a bad, guilty thing.  It felt like, my body has done an awesome thing for me today and I am going to refuel it with delicious, delicious food.  Also I've eaten pretty healthy all weekend, so it didn't feel like a huge splurge.  And there was this
Him:  It's still raining.  Want to go for another run?
Me:  Right now? No.  Someday, maybe.
Him:  Right, no more runs today, just yoga, pilates, treadmill...
Me:  Well, not the treadmill, no more high impact stuff.  But yeah, there's a pilates class at 4...
Whatever, I've decided I'm giving myself tomorrow morning off and I really like the Sunday afternoon pilates instructor at my gym.  And once I'm there there's no point in not staying for yoga...

3rd time's a charm: Bar Method

This is over a week overdue, but I've been lazy.  Along under the guise of self torture, but due to public transit issues it ended up being just me.
I got about seven people to go the first time, because none of us knew what we were getting, and we all got our asses kicked.  My legs have never hurt for so many days afterward.  I thought anything ballet and pilates based couldn't be that hard, but all the tiny repetitive movements and the fact that you never stop moving made for an intense workout.  I think after that I would have never gone back, but I'd bought a coupon for two classes.  One of my friends learned we'd inadvertently signed up for a class with the most intense instructor at the studio, so three of us headed back for our second class.  It was less intense, but the beer and chicken wings I'd had before class didn't make for an enjoyable experience.
Months later and in slightly better shape, I really, really enjoyed my third bar method experience.  It was with a new instructor (it was like her 4th time teaching, ever), and the class definitely still felt intense, but not unbearable.  I also didn't have the intense soreness over the next few days, but this might be because I went home, did 20 minutes on the elliptical and then stretched like crazy.  I'd actually love to go back but can't find a way to justify paying for the classes on top of my gym membership.  Boo.

Does everyone I know have an eating disorder?

Tuesday will mark the end of my third week on WW.  I'm not optimistic about the weigh in, given that I went out to not one but two wine bars last night and ate my weight in deliciousness.  And I feel really guilty about that, which is definitely NOT the point.
I started this blog with the viewpoint that I want to be able to eat/drink delicious things AND look fabulous.  While WW is definitely helping me be more conscious of what I'm eating and work toward being healthier, it's perhaps not the most mentally healthy thing to see my remaining Points allowance for the week at a negative value and subsequently feel like I've failed.  I've been downright obsessive over the past few weeks about logging food and working out, but why?  I'm not actually overweight, or even close to it. I just have this deluded belief that if I can consistently fit into size 4 jeans, my life will magically be better.  (Insert comment about just wanting to be perfect, and combine it with the fact that I just had a manicure so the skin around my cuticles is peeling and I keep pulling it off a la Natalie Portman in Black Swan...)
Anyway, I can't tell you if it's society or women's magazines or my mother or whatever that's the root of my ridiculous food/body image/whatever issues.  But I can tell you that I'm not alone.
-My detoxing friend admitted that she's actually on the detox in hopes that it will help her control her emotional eating and get over the weird food issues she's had all her life, courtesy of her mother.
-The fittest person I know, who won't go a day without her kickboxing workout, is suddenly on a "diet" that was prescribed by a customer at her boyfriend's motorcycle shop.  It involves eating nothing but eggs, peanut butter, and turkey, and she claims it's going to teach her body to burn fat better, except for the part where she already looks like she's about 0% body fat.
-Two girls at work, who aren't friends of mine but who I know to both be extremely serious athletes and in very good shape, are having a weight loss competition in which they're trying to lose a pound a week.
What is wrong with us?  With the exception of my first friend, none of these people has any actual need whatsoever to lose weight (myself included), and yet we're all fixated on doing so.
I have no answers.  I'm just hoping I find something besides therapy that will cure me of this.

In need of motivation

They say when you're trying to lose weight you should give yourself nonfood rewards when you reach goals.  I've never subscribed to this school of thought, but after the meal I'd dreamed about eating yesterday left me feeling mildly ill this morning, I'm thinking maybe junk food will not be as rewarding as I'd hoped. 
And so, for reaching goals:
5 lbs lost - I'm finally going to by myself these.  I know science says toning shoes are BS and Crocs are ridiculous looking, but I want new shoes for walking to and from the gym.

In which I learn you can bake without butter

So my friend said this awesome thing the other day - "I always thought it was unfair that Olivia Wilde is gorgeous and married to an Italian prince, and then I found out she was a vegetarian.  I felt much better.  And, I have to say, I kind of agree with her.  Meat is delicious.  I guess she's not vegan so it's not so bad, as cheese is also delicious.  

I bring this up because one of my friends is currently doing a 21 day detox.  It's not one of the terrible all juice ones; it's a week of being vegan, a week of raw foods, and a week of only liquids.  While you're on it, there's no caffeine, alcohol, refined sugars, and, for some reason, over the counter medicines.  I'm not on bored with the whole 'detox' idea to begin with, but I've been trying to be supportive and not mention that she's going to gain all the weight back as soon as she goes off the thing.  But in the meantime, I'm trying to keep an open mind.  We went to a vegan restaurant on Friday, and it was actually decent. And the dessert - if you hadn't told me the cake was vegan, I would never have known.  There may be something to this veganism thing.

I was rejected by weight watchers.

So in my effort to shape up this year, I've joined Weight Watchers at work with a friend.  My first experience with WW was 4 years ago.  I wasn't thrilled with it, mostly because I started under a lot of pressure from my mother, but when 4 months later I'd lost 20 pounds, I was willing to concede that the program worked.  I definitely learned a lot about portion size and what actually counts toward making food healthy (turns out low fat alone does not health food make).  Over the years I've had occasional weeks and months where I've tried to track my points, but nothing consistent.
But, the new points plus thing (0 point fruit!) and the convenience of having a meeting at work convinced me to join as an actual member for the first time ever.  I was a bit nervous going into the first meeting - I don't exactly look like a person who needs to be on WW, and I guess I was worried people would be judgmental.  It turned out not to be a problem; a lot of the people in the meeting were lifetime members who had already reached their goal weight.  I, on the other hand, have not.  My goal isn't so much a weight as a pair of pants I'd like to fit into, but if I had to pick a number, I guess I'd say 135.  According to my first weigh in, I'm at 147.8.
And that's where things got tricky.  That afternoon, I went online to sign up for E-tools, and was initially informed that because of my height and weight, WW didn't have any tools that would work for me at this time; the program was designed for people who had more than 5 pounds to lose, and for my height, 143 was the bottom of the healthy weight range.  I went  back, changed my weight to 150, and carried on.  I thought that was that.
And then the next day, I got a call from the meeting leader, also expressing concern about how much weight I had to lose.  I allowed her to change my reported height to be an inch shorter, so for now I'm good to go.
The problem is that the low 'healthy weight' for my new lie of a height is 139, which is 4lbs above my goal weight.  I know it's not really a big deal, but I don't want to be prevented from reaching a goal.  It seems kind of ridiculous to me that WW was ready to not take me as a member at my actual height and weight.  If I'm paying you money for a service, are you really going to tell me no?  I understand that a program like this has some sort of obligation to make sure members aren't using it to fuel an eating disorder, but the program requires you eat a certain amount every day.  Are the health risks of being 4lbs underweight so severe that they're not going to let me do this?
Anyway, there's about 9lbs and at least a month between me and this actually becoming an issue, so we'll see how it goes.