In which I go on a small self indulgent rant

This is not on the topic of fitness or food and thus does not belong here, but I have nowhere else to put it, so here goes.

I got an e-mail from a friend this morning lamenting the fact that I was not on Gchat so she could regale me with tales of the poor life choices of this girl she knows.  She knew it had been my work Christmas party yesterday, and said something about 'I hope you're still sleeping off epic work party shenanigans.'  I had been still sleeping off something, but that something was deciding a wise dinner was a peppermint mocha-tini and an entire sleeve of Oreos.  Go ahead, judge me, it's cool.

Anyway, the e-mail kind of bothered me on multiple levels.  One, I'm kind of over knowing people just so I can judge them.  Like, if you find this person so vile, stop being friends with them.  If you need to watch someone else's failure so you can feel like a success, maybe that's something you need to work on.  Goodness knows I have suffered from this in the past, but I know it and am working on it.

Also (and this is going to contradict exactly what I just wrote), she was talking about how excited she was for her fiance's work Christmas party, and I realized that in my head, the idea of an 'epic work party' is kind of an oxymoron.  The word epic is getting wildly overused.  There is nothing epic about drinking too much in front of your coworkers and dancing inappropriately or making out with someone or whatever.  But for some people, this is their idea of amazing.  I've recently realized, it isn't mine.

I want an epic life.  For the past way too many years, I've been trying to build the kind of life that a lot of people have, and that I guess a lot of people want - a comfortable life, with nice food and good wine and decent friends and a man who isn't bad to me.  But I want more than that.  I want adventure, I want excitement, I want a life I love, not a life that's good enough.  I want to make a difference in the world, not just in my life.

I also want everyone at work to stop stealing the cookies I've been trying to sell to raise money for Team in Training.  Sigh.

I've got an obsession

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever given was to a friend who was trying to get over a boy.  "Just find an all consuming thing until you find an appropriate all consuming person," I told her.  She recently gave that same advice to me as I've been trying to get over a boy.

It's finally starting to kick in, the running as my thing.  All I care about is running and getting faster and going farther.  I'm considering staying on for the rest of the TnT season and doing a full marathon.  Physically I don't think it'll be a problem, but I am kind of worried about having to raise another two grand.  I've finally been making progress on my fundraising, which is awesome and has restored my faith in humanity, but I feel like I've kind of tapped everyone out so I'm not sure I could ask again so soon.  We'll see.

Anyway, yesterday's 5K was kind of a disaster and I did not run nearly as well as I hoped given that I've been training and eating right and sleeping.  I don't know if that means my 5k pace assessment was a fluke, or if I really just run better on no sleep and a lot of wine.  Sigh.

Rant (again)

Last week it was Lululemon.  This week, Hungry Girl.  I hate her.  I mean, I guess I have nothing against her in general, but I hate the concept and the fact that it's being validated by multiple books and a show on Food Network.

I subscribe to the e-mails.  I read them, because I'll read anything to avoid work.  I rarely find anything of use in them because I've gotten off the processed food bandwagon, and it's what she seems to entirely subsist on.

I have one of the books.  I have made stuff from it.  It is rarely good.  I will give her credit for introducing me to the whole pumpkin+brownie mix = delicious concept, but that is it.  Mostly she has all these two or three ingredient things, and I look at the recipes, and I'm like, none of these things are delicious individually, I do not see how combining them is going to help me.

And seriously about the processed foods.  She loves fat free sugar free anything, which basically means you're eating chemicals.  I have stopped buying fat free cream cheese because everything in it sounds TERRIFYING.  I'd like my cream cheese to just have cream cheese in it, thanks.  If I'm eating cheesecake, I really don't care about saving 100 calories out of the 1000 I've probably already committed to.

Rant over now.

I'm boycotting Lululemon

So I'm in desperate need of new running clothes, because apparently all cotton does not cut it.  I don't want to spend an arm and a leg, so lululemon is probably out anyway, but I thought I'd check their sale site, just in case. 

And then I remembered.  I'm boycotting lululemon.  And not because they're overpricing what should be really accessible sports.  It's their new bags that offend me.  "Who is John Galt?"  That's your slogan?  Really?

I hate Atlas Shrugged.  I really, really hated it.  And not just because I hate the philosophy (which I do).  No, I hate the fact that I read like 9000 stupid pages of that book waiting for stupid Dagny Taggart to have sex with stupid John Galt and when they did, it was the most disappointing thing ever.  It's exactly how I felt about the sex in Twilight.  And if I'm comparing a book to Twilight, it's not a book that has quotes that should be gracing the bags of your store.  That is all.

Slippery slopes

Charity is a slippery slope.  As a result of my inability to get people to donate to my cause, I had a newfound respect for other people who try to raise money for good causes, which is why I donated a dollar to the Salvation Army guy instead of ignoring him and actually talked to one of those volunteer guys with clipboards.  He wanted me to sponsor a child and I said no, but at least I talked to him instead of just ducking my head and making a run for it.  And that's just two causes from two shopping trips.  The amount of problems out there in the world is large.  And it gets really overwhelming if you think about it at all.  I was having a conversation with someone the other day about choosing to be happy, which I'm trying to do more, but there's also a lot of badness out there in the world and if we all choose to ignore it because it's ugly, then nothing's ever going to change.  So I'm trying to figure out the line between ignoring things and wallowing in them, and trying to make a difference where I can.

Also a slippery slope is eating.  My frustration also sent me running for any food in my kitchen, and then any food at the grocery store.  Things I don't even usually enjoy, like potato chips and bad candy.  And I'm in that mode where I don't get full and can just keep shoving things in my face for forever.  I don't want to be there, but I'm not entirely sure how to get out. 

Frustration

So, the running aspect of Team in Training has been going well.

The fundraising aspect...has not.  I am still over $2000 away from what I'm supposed to raise before January 10.

It's really frustrating.  I came away from my first TNT even filled with faith in humanity, excited that in a world of selfish and self-centered people, there was this group of people who were out there to do something to fight cancer and also do something for themselves in the process.

And now I'm losing that faith.  Asking people to donate, inviting them to events, and having people be like 'meh.'  Like, really, you can't spare the $5 you'd spend on a coffee or the $10 you'd spend on one drink?  Nothing?  It's not like this is for me, it's to fight cancer, for crying out loud.  It's annoying, it's disappointing, it's so, so frustrating.  And I have no idea what to do about it.