tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4343546563560894012024-02-20T22:39:27.080-08:00Brownies & Cheese & Yoga & PilatesA food lover on a quest to run a half marathon and have a body like a Middleton sisterAndreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.comBlogger116125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-54411109117287253222012-11-12T19:19:00.004-08:002012-11-12T19:19:39.472-08:00Commitmentphobia, or how I learned to stop being such a douchebag and start acting like an adultIt occurs to me that I haven't really been able to commit to anything lately. I have been putting in a solid 50% to precisely everything I do. Putting in just enough to get by, never more.<br />
And it's finally occurred to me why. I am absolutely fucking terrified of getting hurt again. I don't want to get burned by a city, or a job, or friends, let alone a guy. I haven't let that last one close enough to even consider being hurt, but even the other three, I've been holding at arm's length. I'm Fox Mulder. I trust no one.<br />
And so if I'm not putting in my full effort, then I can on one hand be not that invested, and on the other, I can blame myself if things go awry. It feels like I still have control of the situation. If, on the other hand, I go full out and give it my all, then there's nothing I can do. Nothing I could have done, if it goes wrong. I usually hate that. I usually prefer blaming someone else. <br />
I think it's that I'm afraid of failing again. If I don't have real goals, I can't not achieve them. If I come to this city already planning on leaving, then I don't have to feel weird if I'm not able to put down roots.<br />
And yet, I'm still going through the motions. Starting grad school. Buying a place. Making friends. <br />
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I've been selfish and hedonistic ever since I moved to DC. I have been utterly unlike myself. I've been living only in the now, not because I've learned to enjoy the moment, but because I feel like I can't count on the future.<br />
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My life is my life. I gave it up awhile back. I still can't believe I spent almost four years just completely forgetting to have goals. I can't believe I was so very willing to just piggyback my life on someone else's.<br />
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I can't believe it's been such a process, getting myself back. And yet, I guess this is life. It's not that scary if you don't let it be.<br />
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I'll say it again. This is my life. This is not a stopgap on the way to Seattle. This is my life, and it can be whatever I want it to be. I just have to want more out of it.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-62492771525397731772012-11-12T18:42:00.002-08:002012-11-12T18:42:38.387-08:00The detox before the food stormThe start of the holiday season is perhaps not the best time to insist on embarking on a food redo. But instead of waiting til January 1 this time around, I'm trying to get ahead of the game so I can really hit the ground running in the New Year.<br />
There's that, and the fact that last holiday season was a blur of too many emotions and too many evenings having Oreos and booze as dinner. There is nothing about that I'd like to relive, which is why I'm trying to get healthier now.<br />
That said, I've had kale as a dinner two nights already this week. Making an active effort to stay in on weeknights so that I can eat and exercise like a normal person and feel like less of an obeast.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-22263152249826957072012-11-02T21:05:00.000-07:002012-11-12T18:40:26.607-08:00Day 2The good: rowed in the morning, stationary bike and a small amount of strength after work. Had oatmeal for breakfast, salad for lunch.<br />
The bad: Blondies interspersed as snacks.<br />
The ugly: Ice cream after dinner, for no real reason.<br />
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I cannot have anything delicious in the house, apparently. The quest here, truly, is to figure out self control and eating til I'm satisfied, not eating til there's nothing left. Brunch tomorrow is not going to help this.<br />
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[He liked that I wasn't a girl who ordered salads. <i>Is that why I'm like this now?</i>]Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-26680294097737236422012-11-01T19:11:00.002-07:002012-11-01T19:11:45.510-07:00Back in actionSo here I am. I'm going cold turkey, or rather, warm chicken, as the thing on my plate may be. Yes, after six months of hedonism and putting anything within reach in my mouth and working out lackadaisically,* I'm back on the bandwagon.<br />
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*This six months of hedonism still involved trying to eat vegetables, regularly taking a multivitamin, training for and running a marathon, and doing a cross training combo of rowing/barre/yoga/rock climbing when I got the chance, but somehow not doing regular two a day workouts makes me feel like a slacker.<br />
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So here I am. Again. When I "started" this "blog," I was a 24 year old girl living in southern California, trying to figure out how to stay skinny while sweating as little as humanly possible and still eating all the dairy and dessert I pleased. And now, almost two years later, I'm a 26 year old young woman living in DC, trying to figure out how to lose the weird belly flab I've put on from the drinking and break a 5 hour marathon. (Yes, I realize this is incredibly slow.) If I were less lazy, I'd change the title of this blog to "Burgers & Beer & Running & Rowing." The point, I guess, that I'm trying to make is that when I started this blog, I didn't consider fitness an important part of my life. It was something I "needed" to do in order to look a certain way. It's become something I <i>need</i> to do to stay happy and sane.<br />
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So fitness I've got. Food, on the other hand...when I moved to DC, everyone I know was like, "Be careful, you're going to become an alcoholic" and I was all "A girl can dream." It turns out they were right, and I'm pretty sure I've been to more happy hours in the past six months than the past 26 years of my life. I am not complaining in the least. But my pants certainly are. I would like to return to my fighting weight, as it were.<br />
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The problem is this: I associate losing weight with being unhappy. Not that the former causes the latter, but that the former is a consolation prize for being the latter. To me, unhappy=bored=nothing better to do than cook healthy and work out a lot. Ever since I moved, I've been crazy busy and so very happy with my life, but I've also been using that as an excuse to overindulge. What was meant to be a month of first marathon recovery and infinite going away parties back in March somehow snowballed into me pretending everything I know about healthy eating doesn't exist. And while my clothes still fit (ish) and I don't look horrible, I don't want to let this slope get any more slippery.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-13052492471829083942012-10-08T19:26:00.002-07:002012-10-08T19:26:40.702-07:00RandomI just have this weird belief in the writing of things in public spaces now, I guess.<br />
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I just want things to work out however they're supposed to. And I want to be okay with whatever that is. Sooner than later.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-64553168709963702502011-12-16T20:20:00.000-08:002011-12-16T20:20:29.327-08:00In which I go on a small self indulgent rantThis is not on the topic of fitness or food and thus does not belong here, but I have nowhere else to put it, so here goes.<br />
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I got an e-mail from a friend this morning lamenting the fact that I was not on Gchat so she could regale me with tales of the poor life choices of this girl she knows. She knew it had been my work Christmas party yesterday, and said something about 'I hope you're still sleeping off epic work party shenanigans.' I had been still sleeping off something, but that something was deciding a wise dinner was a peppermint mocha-tini and an entire sleeve of Oreos. Go ahead, judge me, it's cool.<br />
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Anyway, the e-mail kind of bothered me on multiple levels. One, I'm kind of over knowing people just so I can judge them. Like, if you find this person so vile, stop being friends with them. If you need to watch someone else's failure so you can feel like a success, maybe that's something you need to work on. Goodness knows I have suffered from this in the past, but I know it and am working on it.<br />
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Also (and this is going to contradict exactly what I just wrote), she was talking about how excited she was for her fiance's work Christmas party, and I realized that in my head, the idea of an 'epic work party' is kind of an oxymoron. The word epic is getting wildly overused. There is nothing epic about drinking too much in front of your coworkers and dancing inappropriately or making out with someone or whatever. But for some people, this is their idea of amazing. I've recently realized, it isn't mine.<br />
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I want an epic <i>life</i>. For the past way too many years, I've been trying to build the kind of life that a lot of people have, and that I guess a lot of people want - a comfortable life, with nice food and good wine and decent friends and a man who isn't bad to me. But I want more than that. I want adventure, I want excitement, I want a life I love, not a life that's good enough. I want to make a difference in the world, not just in my life. <br />
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I also want everyone at work to stop stealing the cookies I've been trying to sell to raise money for Team in Training. Sigh.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-87927920049238536462011-12-11T11:19:00.000-08:002011-12-11T11:19:39.375-08:00I've got an obsessionOne of the best pieces of advice I've ever given was to a friend who was trying to get over a boy. "Just find an all consuming thing until you find an appropriate all consuming person," I told her. She recently gave that same advice to me as I've been trying to get over a boy. <br />
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It's finally starting to kick in, the running as my thing. All I care about is running and getting faster and going farther. I'm considering staying on for the rest of the TnT season and doing a full marathon. Physically I don't think it'll be a problem, but I am kind of worried about having to raise another two grand. I've finally been making progress on my fundraising, which is awesome and has restored my faith in humanity, but I feel like I've kind of tapped everyone out so I'm not sure I could ask again so soon. We'll see.<br />
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Anyway, yesterday's 5K was kind of a disaster and I did not run nearly as well as I hoped given that I've been training and eating right and sleeping. I don't know if that means my 5k pace assessment was a fluke, or if I really just run better on no sleep and a lot of wine. Sigh.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-87279605398944535912011-12-11T11:13:00.000-08:002011-12-11T11:13:44.636-08:00Rant (again)Last week it was Lululemon. This week, Hungry Girl. I hate her. I mean, I guess I have nothing against her in general, but I hate the concept and the fact that it's being validated by multiple books and a show on Food Network.<br />
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I subscribe to the e-mails. I read them, because I'll read anything to avoid work. I rarely find anything of use in them because I've gotten off the processed food bandwagon, and it's what she seems to entirely subsist on. <br />
<br />
I have one of the books. I have made stuff from it. It is rarely good. I will give her credit for introducing me to the whole pumpkin+brownie mix = delicious concept, but that is it. Mostly she has all these two or three ingredient things, and I look at the recipes, and I'm like, none of these things are delicious individually, I do not see how combining them is going to help me.<br />
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And seriously about the processed foods. She loves fat free sugar free anything, which basically means you're eating chemicals. I have stopped buying fat free cream cheese because everything in it sounds TERRIFYING. I'd like my cream cheese to just have cream cheese in it, thanks. If I'm eating cheesecake, I really don't care about saving 100 calories out of the 1000 I've probably already committed to.<br />
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Rant over now.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-83565977795502367622011-12-02T19:36:00.000-08:002011-12-02T19:36:04.757-08:00I'm boycotting LululemonSo I'm in desperate need of new running clothes, because apparently all cotton does not cut it. I don't want to spend an arm and a leg, so lululemon is probably out anyway, but I thought I'd check their sale site, just in case. <br />
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And then I remembered. I'm boycotting lululemon. And not because they're overpricing what should be really accessible sports. It's their new bags that offend me. "Who is John Galt?" That's your slogan? Really?<br />
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I hate Atlas Shrugged. I really, really hated it. And not just because I hate the philosophy (which I do). No, I hate the fact that I read like 9000 stupid pages of that book waiting for stupid Dagny Taggart to have sex with stupid John Galt and when they did, it was the most disappointing thing ever. It's exactly how I felt about the sex in Twilight. And if I'm comparing a book to Twilight, it's not a book that has quotes that should be gracing the bags of your store. That is all.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-57299370229230290942011-12-02T18:56:00.000-08:002011-12-02T18:56:36.800-08:00Slippery slopesCharity is a slippery slope. As a result of my inability to get people to donate to my cause, I had a newfound respect for other people who try to raise money for good causes, which is why I donated a dollar to the Salvation Army guy instead of ignoring him and actually talked to one of those volunteer guys with clipboards. He wanted me to sponsor a child and I said no, but at least I talked to him instead of just ducking my head and making a run for it. And that's just two causes from two shopping trips. The amount of problems out there in the world is large. And it gets really overwhelming if you think about it at all. I was having a conversation with someone the other day about choosing to be happy, which I'm trying to do more, but there's also a lot of badness out there in the world and if we all choose to ignore it because it's ugly, then nothing's ever going to change. So I'm trying to figure out the line between ignoring things and wallowing in them, and trying to make a difference where I can.<br />
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Also a slippery slope is eating. My frustration also sent me running for any food in my kitchen, and then any food at the grocery store. Things I don't even usually enjoy, like potato chips and bad candy. And I'm in that mode where I don't get full and can just keep shoving things in my face for forever. I don't want to be there, but I'm not entirely sure how to get out. Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-30245960634208255982011-12-02T11:20:00.000-08:002011-12-02T11:20:46.489-08:00FrustrationSo, the running aspect of Team in Training has been going well.<br />
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The fundraising aspect...has not. I am still over $2000 away from what I'm supposed to raise before January 10.<br />
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It's really frustrating. I came away from my first TNT even filled with faith in humanity, excited that in a world of selfish and self-centered people, there was this group of people who were out there to do something to fight cancer and also do something for themselves in the process.<br />
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And now I'm losing that faith. Asking people to donate, inviting them to events, and having people be like 'meh.' Like, really, you can't spare the $5 you'd spend on a coffee or the $10 you'd spend on one drink? Nothing? It's not like this is for me, it's to fight <i>cancer</i>, for crying out loud. It's annoying, it's disappointing, it's so, so frustrating. And I have no idea what to do about it.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-40666151896471130962011-11-21T06:39:00.000-08:002011-11-21T06:39:50.839-08:00Breaking routineTrying something new this morning - getting up, making a smoothie, reading fitness blogs, going for my run, then going to work where I will be super productive as soon as I get in (ha!). <br />
<br />
Highlights from the rest of my weekend:<br />
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<ul><li>What to do when your Saturday night date cancels on you? Stay home and watch Gossip Girl with your cat whilst cleaning your apartment. No, seriously, this might have been one of my best Saturday nights in awhile. Hm.</li>
<li>Sleep > spinning and yoga. Oops.</li>
<li>I am terrible at dating. How long am I supposed to keep seeing a guy I am merely 'meh' about?</li>
</ul>Okay, off to the gym so I can get to work at a mildly reasonable hour.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-43839099800039782882011-11-19T13:21:00.000-08:002011-11-19T13:21:19.842-08:00Trust the training?We had our second official Team In Training practice this morning and it was not entirely what I expected. Today's special topic was walking technique, which I assumed would be irrelevant to me since I am (trying to become) a runner. However, as I learned this morning, apparently we're training with the run/walk technique, which they explained at length results in less injuries and faster race times, but somehow still feels like a cop out to me. But, I signed up to a program with coaches for a reason, so I'm going to trust them.<br />
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After kicking the pace assessment's ass (5k in 29:14) last weekend, I was surprised to see that my pace group was going to be training at 13 minute miles, in a 3:1 run:walk ratio. I guess we're just starting out and this is going to increase, but this seems way slow and way low compared to what I can do. Again, I know it's my first race and my goal should be to not be injured and to finish, but I guess I was hoping for a little more of a challenge? I was scared when I saw we had 45 minutes on the schedule today, but it flew by and felt pretty easy. I am doing my best to resist the rookie mistakes of starting out training too hard and then hurting myself as a result. I'll be out of town for next week's practice, which means a 60 minute run on my own, so I'll try and pace myself appropriately.<br />
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I also wanted today's practice to feel a little bit harder because I've been feeling like Chubby McChubster lately (translation: my scale reads 6lbs higher than usual and 13lbs higher than I'd like it to) due to spending the past two weeks subsisting largely on wine and cheese (which, incidentally, is why I think my 29:14 last week would have been way better had I actually been, you know, eating real food and hydrating ever). Someone at practice called me 'naturally slender' and I forced myself to just take the compliment rather than be like a) "Seriously? I feel like a fatass right now." or b) "Natural? Do you know how many bacon cheeseburgers I've had to turn down in my life to continue looking like this?" But for now, my serious White Girl Problem of not being skinny enough in my own head will be an issue for another time.<br />
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However, because of my flabby feelings and because my hips were uber-cranky, I also went to pilates for the first time in what feels like months. I won't lie, I did pretty much go through an entire abs class just for the hamstring stretching series, but whatever, my abs do need the work as well. Oh boy do they need the work, as the class was way harder than it has been in the past. It's weird, since my abs actually look some of the best they ever have (thank you, three months of Bar Method), but I guess they've only gotten good at those specific exercises. So, things to work on: core strength.<br />
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And now, to shower for the date I may or may not have this afternoon (he got called in for a work emergency, and I would secretly rather stay home and clean my apartment and watch Gossip Girl with my cat. I am wildly cool.).<br />
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Any advice/opinions on run/walk vs. just running training would be welcome and appreciated. Also advice on dating and apartment cleaning, as I am terrible at both.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-43196417142884133252011-11-18T16:49:00.000-08:002011-11-18T16:49:24.064-08:00Just do itI went to yoga today for the first time in what is apparently almost a month. It's weird how something can be a total part of your routine, and then a few little changes happen (a trip out of town, work gets busy, someone reappears in your life for a limited amount of time) and then suddenly it's not routine anymore. Suddenly, the idea of going back to something you used to do all the time seems intimidating. <br />
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I had a good half a dozen excuses for why I didn't have to go to yoga this afternoon (rest day on the schedule, needed to work, needed to clean, etc.) but I sucked it up and went. It was not as bad as I feared it might be, and I certainly feel better for having gone. <br />
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It's moments like these I'm tempted to re-overcommit and say I'm going to try and go every day, but I know that won't happen. I'm going to try at least every other day, until Thanksgiving. <br />
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And now, back to cleaning my apartment, which I desperately need to do.<br />
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What about you? Do you ever fall out of a workout (or any!) routine and find it difficult to start again?Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-7170590967197846732011-11-18T11:27:00.000-08:002011-11-18T11:27:49.514-08:00On the runTraining has been going okay. We had an 'easy 30' on the schedule yesterday, and I failed miserably (again) at getting up before work, so I figured I'd pack my gym bag, go for a quick run after work, and then head to to evening's bingo fundraiser. Easy.<br />
<br />
...until I had a meeting that lasted three hours instead of one, and was suddenly wildly behind schedule. I was tempted to skip the run in order to meet friends for dinner on time, but I realized that if I'm serious about running 13.1 miles in less than three months, I need to stick to the training. So stick to it I did.<br />
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It was way darker than I'm used to because of this whole 'Daylight Savings' thing, so I was a little freaked out, but there were tons of other walkers/runners/bikers so I swallowed my fear and got going. The run actually went super well, I did the loop in about 30 minutes, and that included a minute of walking/futzing with Pandora on my Blackberry. Midway through the run I got a "Hi, Andrea!" from a runner headed the other way, and couldn't place who it was and was too thrown off to say hi back, but it's a loop and we were going opposite directions, and crossed paths again, and...it turned out to be my archnemeis from work. Oops? <br />
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Anyway, the run was good, I am loving my new shoes, and now I should really get dressed for yoga.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-50892850085299095092011-11-16T21:47:00.000-08:002011-11-16T21:47:00.829-08:00New kicks!It's been a busy day. My plan was to get up early and run this morning, but apparently my body decided it was a better idea to sleep through my alarm for an extra two hours. I headed into work where I'd intended to donate blood, but apparently two weeks of bad eating and drinking more wine than water means my veins are smaller than usual and they couldn't actually take my blood, which was disappointing, but at least I knew that I'd be able to do my run in the evening instead of having to take it easy.<br />
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Before my run, I headed to a Team in Training shoe event. The lovely people at <a href="http://www.clubrunwithus.com/home.html">Run With Us</a> gave a 20% discount on shoes, so I took the opportunity to replace my worn out Sauconys...with a new pair of Sauconys. My old pair was the Triumph 6, and I'd been eyeing the Triumph 8 for awhile, but apparently there is a Triumph 9 out now, so I have those! <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixsmkSPbTjG_RL29ylfWbyUWMmqrbcFdXtrizazV2p8v6GAUcbgTMCo14VJ5tGhGBqFDUubekpdAgZDIGXYr59aqkDLyEPBKhSH45HqXrsc4I3PcSuYPL_RsxeTfuoNkBW37npf7UE9uY/s1600/IMG_0300.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixsmkSPbTjG_RL29ylfWbyUWMmqrbcFdXtrizazV2p8v6GAUcbgTMCo14VJ5tGhGBqFDUubekpdAgZDIGXYr59aqkDLyEPBKhSH45HqXrsc4I3PcSuYPL_RsxeTfuoNkBW37npf7UE9uY/s320/IMG_0300.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
(And sadly, I have now learned they come in <a href="http://www.saucony.com/store/SiteController/saucony/productdetails?catId=cat10002&productId=4-108310&skuId=***4********10137-3*M060&stockNumber=10137-3&showDefaultOption=true&subCatId=cat1220398&subCatTabId=&viewall=&iCID=ShoeAdvisor-Triumph9Women">pink</a> and am slightly disappointed. I wonder if it is excessive to buy a second pair. I do really like the teal, too.)<br />
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After that, I headed to the gym to test these out on the treadmill. They are super light and nice, though my run was neither of those things. I think it's mostly two weeks of bad sleep and a month of terrible eating finally catching up with me. My body has been all kinds of 'um, I can haz nutrients plz?'<br />
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And so, I came home and made a salad because I've sort of forgotten what vegetables look like. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX5CdpBOcIAmYsN5U_SSxNZwGPN6FVZ0NoEnWtiToJPjnt23sd8DaZEInz1suDmabWE1MfDkCawOvJdMrvyjRL_OIlJKwGgage2BRVUvf2HxDRheKt-xBwxUn5Z847llkyrqGk0X2xW8U/s1600/IMG_0301.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX5CdpBOcIAmYsN5U_SSxNZwGPN6FVZ0NoEnWtiToJPjnt23sd8DaZEInz1suDmabWE1MfDkCawOvJdMrvyjRL_OIlJKwGgage2BRVUvf2HxDRheKt-xBwxUn5Z847llkyrqGk0X2xW8U/s320/IMG_0301.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
And instead of cashing in the Coldstone coupon I got for attempting to donate blood, I made a quasi-raw brownie for dessert. Go me.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEJyqYeQbxHmPoIo6SpbrnCwb7C8Y_mX4u-HazvqfaunDz12R5xhrrhRGLbmYcs2yj-JsVuirTRI8ePFJoymlFLvXW-VBqim1bjqKPAlHt8isLKb8MJzBUGlLu7oZKnojXs8qCABnww0s/s1600/IMG_0304.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEJyqYeQbxHmPoIo6SpbrnCwb7C8Y_mX4u-HazvqfaunDz12R5xhrrhRGLbmYcs2yj-JsVuirTRI8ePFJoymlFLvXW-VBqim1bjqKPAlHt8isLKb8MJzBUGlLu7oZKnojXs8qCABnww0s/s320/IMG_0304.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Also this is super easy. For the base, you throw some dates, some nuts, and some cocoa in the food processor. Dump that in an appropriately sized tupperware. The 'icing' is one part coconut oil to two parts cocoa powder to how ever much agave you need to make it sweet enough. Pour that over the top, refrigerate the whole thing, and ta da! Delicious chocolate, no baking required. It is not low calorie, but it has fiber and antioxidants and other things that are important.<br />
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And now, to bed so that I can maybe actually wake up at 5 for a run and yoga tomorrow morning.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-51431924119678084782011-11-14T23:28:00.000-08:002011-11-14T23:28:59.898-08:00Back at itI should write more but I'd rather sleep. The bullet points:<br />
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Am going to start eating normal maybe tomorrow, I swear. Maybe. Ever since I finished BPC I have been an eating monster.<br />
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Ran a 5k in 29:14 on Saturday, which is huge for me.<br />
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Team in Training stuff is going super well so far. More later.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-46583104674278594482011-10-19T00:13:00.000-07:002011-10-19T00:13:34.795-07:00Um...healthy living?I totally had things this post was going to be about. Probably about the emotional eating brought on by seeing my ex at work when he totally wasn't supposed to be there. Or the emotional exercising that followed the emotional eating. Or something else totally exercise and or food related. But, I'm slightly tipsy off of two glasses of red wine and the first first date in awhile that's lasted two rounds of drinks, so let's suffice it to say I feel healthy-ish and had some serious breakthroughs in therapy today. And now, to bed so I can get up and run before work. Whee!Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-40586425329487593462011-10-16T22:50:00.000-07:002011-10-16T22:50:18.845-07:00On the eating of feelingsSo, day one back on food. The plan was to stay raw. It failed. Miserably.<br />
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The day started off well enough with some watermelon, and then an apple and raw cashews as a pre-gym snack. Then I got back, had to get ready to go a friend's party, and got in a serious funk and could not remove myself. And thus, I had two peanut butter cups. <br />
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Went to the party, was sufficiently de-funked, and ended up having potato chips, gummi bears, and two beers, in addition to veggies from the veggie tray I brought with the intention of keeping myself from eating crap. Oops. On the way home, my friend that I carpooled with stopped for dinner at a vegan place. It was not raw, but it was delicious.<br />
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And then. On the way home, we got rear-ended by an idiot. It's my second car accident in two months and I'm just so stressed and annoyed and freaked out by driving, so I responded by coming home and eating a lot of pretzels that were a component of the seven layer bars I'm now making. And then another peanut butter cup. <br />
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The good news: my stomach has felt fine through all of this.<br />
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The bad news: I have not always been hungry while eating this stuff. I have been actively conscious of my nonhunger, and I have eaten anyway.<br />
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One of the things I wanted out of this cleanse was to become more conscious of my emotional eating. And I definitely am; the next step is putting a stop to it. I somehow feel very fortunate that I'm not a lot heavier with the amount of eating I do based on my emotions. I remember laughing during Mean Girls the first time I heard the phrase "girls who eat their feelings", and I've used it a lot without shame in the past. And I still don't think there should be shame associated with it, but I know that of late my feelings have not been awesome. So why would I want to eat them? I remember at one point talking about how I don't mind emotional eating, because it's at least a coping mechanism, and why should I try and get rid of that? But I've realized now that while it may be a way of coping, it's not a way of getting to the root of my feelings and dealing with them. So I'm going to be working more on that. Right after I finish a piece of freshly baked seven layer bar.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-55573169691399638432011-10-15T19:24:00.000-07:002011-10-15T19:24:07.089-07:00And doneI'm finishing my last cashew milk. The cleanse will be over as soon as I wake up tomorrow morning. I'm definitely ready for it to be done; it's not the not chewing, it's the 'drinking identical beverages for five day straight' thing. Though weirdly, the beet juice finally started tasting good today.<br />
I also cheated. Multiple times. After the cashews came a few slices of cucumber (mostly acceptable) and 1/3 of a raw chocolate bar (what can I say, I have my period).<br />
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And now, we shall summarize.<br />
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<b>Things I liked</b><br />
<ul><li>I wasn't really that hungry</li>
<li><b> </b>My stomach felt great the whole time (though this isn't usually a problem for me)</li>
<li>The juices (except for beet) were delicious</li>
<li>I was still able to exercise</li>
<li>I didn't feel any need for caffeine</li>
<li>I didn't really have any cravings</li>
</ul><b>Things I disliked</b><br />
<ul><li>The price. For $65 a day, I could have bought myself a lot of juice on my own.</li>
<li>The repetitiveness of the juice flavors</li>
<li>The strict delivery window (having to be home to get the juice did put a cramp in my schedule)<b> </b></li>
<li>I never really got those feelings of clarity and whatnot that people rave about <b><br />
</b></li>
</ul><b>Things I learned</b><br />
<ul><li>I probably don't need nearly as much food as I think I do. It's all in my head.</li>
<li>I will not actually suffer any dire consequences if I don't give into a craving</li>
<li>Green juice is actually delicious<b> </b> </li>
</ul><b>Things this has inspired me to do</b><br />
<ul><li> Include more raw food in my life. I've been really over salad for awhile, and I think it's finally going to make a comeback.</li>
<li>Be more mindful of my eating.</li>
<li>Watching portions better on non-nutritious things</li>
</ul>Overall, I'm glad I did this. For the price, I probably wouldn't do it again. I'm also down about 5lbs, not sure if that would be more if I weren't doing the PMS bloaty thing, and it'll be interesting to see how much/if any of that stays off. Also interested to see how the re-integration of real food goes. Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-79554518936549004382011-10-15T11:28:00.000-07:002011-10-15T11:28:12.735-07:00In which I caveSo, I cheated. I just ate three raw cashews. Oops? Had I checked my e-mail and read the encouraging "It's your last day" e-mail from BPC before breaking into my stash, I might not have. <br />
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I just went to Bar Method on one green juice, which was not my smartest ever idea, but I actually made it through. Afterward, though, food just seemed wise. I actually had six cashews in my hand and only ate three. Go me?<br />
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Anyway, I guess I'm worried about the transition back to real food as I do kind of have a life I'd like to get back to normally living, sooner rather than later. There are probably beers on Monday night. I would like to be able to drink just one of them without throwing up.<br />
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I'm hungry for the first time, and this juice is...kind of not helping. I also managed to totally give myself a panic attack last night about 'omg you've been practically malnourished for four days, what are you doing, blah blah blah' that made it difficult to sleep.<br />
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That is the one thing I will say about this cleanse. Everyone raved about amazing nights' sleeps. So far I have not really been feeling that.<br />
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And, now I'm done, because I'm going back for three more cashews.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-7990985019941788912011-10-14T22:16:00.000-07:002011-10-14T22:16:23.738-07:00BPC, Day 4Still going mostly strong. Have cheated slightly as I made myself an extra spicy lemonade because I have had a long ass day and my blood sugar felt like it could use a spike. Mine is not as good as theirs, but I'll work on it.<br />
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But seriously. I have been up since 5:30 and have subsisted only on juice. Go me.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-73973839352688241642011-10-13T20:49:00.000-07:002011-10-13T20:49:05.533-07:00Tidings of comfort and joySo I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between comfort and joy. This has come up because I've been stressed a lot recently, and my usual coping things (food, 30 Rock, Mean Girls, retail therapy) have either been unavailable or not working as well as they used to. And I realized it's because I've been seeking a lot of comfort lately, and it's become less effective. I haven't really been trying to be happy, I've just looked for something to make me feel less sad.<br />
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I mention this because I talked to my therapist about how I've been doing yoga and I don't feel like it's helped enough, and he told me that yoga was a great way to reduce symptoms, but it wasn't really the place to work on my issues. I think he's right.<br />
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I've created a comfortable life for myself and gotten comfortable in it. I've realized the reason I've been missing my ex so much is that he, too, was a comfort when things got tough. And comfort is wonderful. But I want more than that. I want joy.<br />
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It's not a completely foreign feeling, but it's something I know I need to work at finding more of in my life. Yoga brings me comfort. Running, I have realized, brings me joy. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to go in a week due to being scared to run while on the cleanse, and my lower back deciding to go crazy yesterday.<br />
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Other things I will be trying in my pursuit of joyousness:<br />
<ul><li>volunteering</li>
<li>Team in Training</li>
<li>doing more new things (they don't call it a comfort zone for nothing)</li>
</ul>Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-88731381293398703512011-10-13T20:42:00.000-07:002011-10-13T20:42:06.840-07:00BPC, days 2 and 3So I was going to write this before rereading my Day 1 post, and I'm glad I didn't. Apparently at the end of Day 1 I really wanted food. I do not remember this. Because during days 2 and 3, I have not wanted food at all. Not in a bad way; just in a "well, I don't really need that" kind of way. Okay, it's not entirely true, work got pretty stressful this afternoon and I had to sit through a meeting and watch everyone else eat their lunch, and I had a great desire to break into my secret stash of raw cashews. But I did not. I'm kind of glad this ended up being during a really hectic time at work, it's more of a willpower test. I have done well; I watched friends consume Mexican and margaritas last night and felt weirdly not jealous.<br />
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I actually can't believe it's been three days already; they've flown by. I actually got worried that I'd have to stay late at work, miss my juice delivery, and not be able to finish my last two days. I'm strangely glad I got the five day cleanse, I don't really feel ready to return to solid foods yet. <br />
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That said, I am kind of psyched about my post cleanse meal plan. <br />
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Sunday: Fruit and salad, as suggested.<br />
Monday: More of the same<br />
Tuesday: Fruit and salad for breakfast/lunch respectively, and then I think I'm going for it with sushi for dinner<br />
Wednesday: Oatmeal again, finally? Avocado toast for dinner.<br />
Thursday: Am going all out and hopefully organizing a lunch to my favorite pastrami placeAndreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-434354656356089401.post-642910128402722932011-10-11T18:58:00.000-07:002011-10-11T18:58:55.898-07:00Day one of BPC, and then shit gets realSo, cleanse, day 1, almost done! Still going to Bar Method in an hour, we'll see how that goes.<br />
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As most reviews promised, I was never super hungry. Nor was I ever super full. The morning was probably the most difficult, this afternoon has been decent.<br />
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Also, the beet juice, is GROSS. I can't believe I have to drink four more of those and find myself regretting not getting the next level of cleanse where the terrible beet juice is replaced by delicious green juice. The color looked so pretty and promising.<br />
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In the spirit of cleansing, I decided to be more open in therapy and shit got real. There is kind of nothing worse than being told by your therapist "You have depression" when you were finally for the first time in months starting to think you weren't depressed. So there's that. I guess I really did think therapy would be some super helpful magic bullet and if I went, magically everything would be fixed. Obviously this is not the case. Obviously I have work to do and need to start figuring out what that is, and then doing it. I was initially scared of going to therapy because I did not want someone to just shove me on some pills that were going to numb everything. I am now having those moments of wishing I'd gone to whatever kind of doctor it is that just gives you pills, because to be honest, numbness sounds a lot more appealing than what I'm going through right now.<br />
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But. I am soldiering on. It will be fine. <br />
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Cannot believe I signed up for this cleanse. And yet, so glad I did. To make my point: I want food, actual food, so badly right now. But I can tell you that my stomach is completely fine. Not hungry. <i>This is all in my head</i>. I think that sums up pretty much everything.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13516577112945318330noreply@blogger.com0